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forneykaters's Journal

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Addiction is a bitch..
I missed school yesterday. All this shit I have been going through is screwing me up. I am depressed alot more than I usually am. I went to the doctor yesterday and was given meds to take. That's not good because I already O.D.ed on three different meds. One time I almost died. I found some Zoloft. 100 mg each. You are only supposed to take half of that. I took 4 whole pills. I stumbled into the bathroom at around 1:30. I was awake because this pill makes you not be able to sleep. I sat on the toilet and and my head down towards my legs. My breathing was short and it felt like I was gasping for air. My vison started to blur and the only thing I could hear was a faint beeeeep. I got dizzy and lightheaded and I felt that if I didn't do something soon I would pass out. I tried to make my way to the sink but I fell and hit my head on the corner of the sink. I started crying thinking I would die right there on the floor and my parents would find me in the morning, questioning what happened. I slowy got up and finally got to the sink. I turned on the faucet and felt the cold water on my hands. I was shaking so much water was splashing everywhere. I cuped my hands as they filled with water and began to wet my face, thinking this would help. I must of stood there for about 20 minutes untill it was over. I swore to myself that i wouldn't take anymore pills. But as you know, when you are addicted, it's hard to stop. I overdosed 2 times after that and well, here I am. I have sleep problems and I can hardly remember anything, even if I am told 5 minutes earlier. I keep to myself alot more than I used to becasue I am very paranoid. when people look at me, I bet they don't see me as a pill popper. but I am. I can't seem to runaway from it. I used to be worse and cut my arms up and stuff. I have scars that no one can see because I cover them with wrist bands. I don't know. I don't usually talk about my life cuz I don't think people would care. No one really knows how I feel becuz i act differently at school. i don't really want people to know my problems cuz then the will think i am some freak. I don't know. Whatever. I'm out.